Online dating is something I’m passionate about because it’s actually how I met my husband! He and I hit it off and arranged our first date 5 1/2 years ago on Tinder.

     I hear from friends all the time about successful and not-so-successful dates and that got me thinking about what made things work for me. My husband and I came up with these 5 rules to approach online dating in order to find real love, or at least get a better chance at it!

1) Give Enough About You in Your Bio to Start a Convo

     This doesn’t have to look long or boring either. My old bio used to read “Talk movies to me. I love dogs, fight club, and eating pasta.”  There are 4 interests right there that were available to start a conversation or relate to. 

2) Have at Least One Genuine Laughing Picture

3) Don’t Respond to Anything You Wouldn’t in Person

This rule is all about boundaries and self respect. 

     There are men particularly, and I’m sure some women, who will start a conversation after matching with you by using some pretty aggressive sexual language or phrases. They might be very attractive, even the kind of person whose attention you want.  If you respond, you’re telling them that you approve of being approached that way. 

     If this is your cup of tea, by all means, engage with that conversation. Engage with that conversation, though, knowing that this person is not looking for love.

     This rule doesn’t just apply to conversations started by dirty talk. This rule also can include demeaning or rude jokes or names used, even if intended playfully. If you don’t think that you’d allow someone to speak to you in person in that way, absolutely do not entertain it online. This allows you to weed out those based on their intentions pretty quickly and serves to find you real love faster.

You get to set the tone for how you should be treated. Always choose to be respected. 

4) Rethink Your Own Judgments

Look, I’ll be completely honest. I swiped left on “fish pics” when I was on Tinder. I thought that a man holding a fish was just not going to be my type. I felt that it showed someone that would be too hardcore into the hobby. I kinda thought the pictures of the fish were gross. I could go on. 

Luckily, I still found my husband despite this judgment, but I can say the basis by which we judge profiles can be silly and sometimes just unnecessarily limiting. If you’ve been dating online for a while and haven’t had success, or maybe you’ve hit a rut, try reevaluating the ways you’re narrowing your matches down. You could be getting in your own way. 

     Some examples of this are judging based on age, height, fashion sense, music interests, and hobbies. many of those things do not have to be a common factor to be compatible partners or you may not even be seeing some of the things you do have in common because they’re just not displayed on the profile!

5) Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

What does that mean?

     In the wide world of online dating, you’re going to find what you’re looking for, so be upfront about what you’re looking for. Don’t hide your intentions or desires, you could miss your perfect match doing that.

     Another way to see this rule is in application to being yourself. Many women fall into the trap of prioritizing being liked over being true to themselves,  this will come at the cost of their genuine desires and needs. It feels good to be liked by everyone, but it feels even better to be truly understood and accepted by a compatible partner. You’re better able to find this person when you allow yourself to be known.

     Try to find the confidence to be yourself. I am not talking about bombarding your date with every detail of your life or personality upfront but rather not shying away from your real intentions, interests, and values. 

     It’s better to know sooner than later if someone is right for you and the only way to determine that is through honesty. So, say what you mean, mean what you say.